So I had my Christmas Party on Friday night. If this took place 6 weeks ago I would have probably not gone but now nearly 12 weeks done I am so much stronger. On the lead up I was apprehensive, very. I mean its a free bar. This would usually mean an endless glass of bubbles.
This year I made as much effort as I usually would to get excited about it, I tried to treat it no different just because I wasn’t drinking. I picked a outfit that I felt good in as I thought if I wear something I am not comfortable in then it could be the difference of me not enjoying myself as I would usually just drink loads of booze until I felt comfortable, but that wasn’t an option this time.
Another thing that made me anxious a little beforehand is that in social situations since I’ve not been drinking, when I am around large groups of people that I am not familiar with I feel really awkward. I have actually always felt like this but again I would guzzle down a few glasses then start to relax and talk a loads of shit to anyone who would listen to me. This time I had to rely fully on my real personality and I genuinely wasn’t sure if it was good enough to hold sober conversations for a length of time. This is silly I know but self doubt is self doubt and this is what was gong through my head. It also wasn’t just a bunch of strangers, my team were there who I just love and also another couple of good friends but I didn’t want to rely on people to be there just because I felt awkward.
The evening came and we all got glammed up, I was really feeling the vibe as I just thought to myself, Emma you cannot dread these events forever, I have to realise that I can have just as much fun without thinking I need to drink. I cracked open my first Heineken zero.
In my head I thought if I last 3 hours I will be happy.
Result – I lasted from 4pm and left at 9.30pm. 5 and a half hours. I was so pleased with myself and I genuinely had a really great time. I only left at that time because its such a mission to get home as I have to get the train and 2 taxi’s. I was fully alert and felt safe on the journey home, I didn’t fall asleep on the train nor did I throw up all over myself. I arrived home with a grin on my face, made some toast and debriefed the hubby on the night. I woke up the next day fresh as a daisy.
A phrase I heard recently. Nobody regrets not drinking the night before the day after. LOL how bloody true that is!
I had a few people asking my about why I am not drinking but not too many, I had one your boring comment off someone that I didn’t expect but I just laughed at him, I just didn’t care. I cant believe how far I have come.