I’ve been a little quiet for the last few weeks, mainly because my parents have been here in Australia visiting so its been busy but also because I am battling with myself about if my future and if it has me drinking alcohol or not.
When I started this journey it was for 3 months. Then I got so involved in it and loved all the things that I was getting from it that I thought I can do this much longer. Then I committed to dry Jan. For the last couple of weeks I’ve been feeling guilty for wanting to drink again. I haven’t and I wont drink in January. I’m thinking more long term, like will I drink again ever?
I was chatting to my new friend and fellow blogger Claire (hi Claire) over email about it. That I feel guilty for even thinking about drinking again. All the other bloggers I follow all seem to be committing to a life alcohol free, I’m not sure if that’s what I wanted. Did I? Do I? I did at one point, am I changing my mind?
Then strangely a podcast recommendation came up about people who stop drinking for a length of time, say 90 days and then reintroduce themselves to drinking with the intention of having a healthier relationship with it. Well this is bloody fate, I listened. I think this is what I wanted all along, a much healthier relationship with alcohol.
Questions its made me think about.
Why did I start drinking in the first place?
To fit in, because it was the normal thing to do. To get hammered on the park when I was 14 because everyone else was. To down some white lightning them vomit everywhere LOL. Social acceptance.
Why do I drink now?
I don’t care if I fit in anymore, I really don’t and having this break has made me realise that. I have also realised that I don’t want to get drunk anymore. That wasted feeling is horrible and it comes with the hangover, I don’t want that. I don’t need to drink, I love that I know that now. However I do feel the need to drink when I am in an uncomfortable social situation.
What do I like about drinking?
I actually love the taste of wine. A cold crisp glass of wine with nice meal or a cold beer around the pool on a hot day.
In the podcasts it talks about putting boundaries in place if you decide to drink again and finding your sweet spot. Looking at the answers above I know what my boundaries need to be.
No emotional drinking – so not turning to wine after a crap day
Do not plan to drink at free drink events
To begin with only drink when its planned
Do not keep wine in the house unless it for planned entertaining
Absolutely no drinking bubbles – nothing good will come from this
Stick to sweet spot drinking
My sweet spot
If I think about drinking wine I think I am happiest of no more that half a bottle which is 375 mls of wine, that is just over 2 glasses of wine and no more than once per week. This would mean I still get that little happy buzz, I get to enjoy the wine but would still avoid hangover. Am I just convincing myself that is OK?
Another behavior change I need to make is saying that I have an addictive personality! Why do we convince ourselves of this? I’m going to start saying I can change the way I feel or act with alcohol.
There was a great analogy in the podcast. It was that you plan the climb up Everest but you don’t plan the decent and the decent can be even harder. I love that and its true. So many people will do dry Jan then on the 1st of Feb get totally wasted in celebration that they didn’t drink for a month. If you think about it it makes no sense!
I’m still thinking about this but the more I do the more I wonder if I can move into that slow lane. I would love to be one of those people at the dinner table when the waiter goes to fill your glass up but you so O no thank you I’ve had enough, ha ha! Only time will tell and I if I do decide to drink again I’m sure it will be another learning curve. What I do know is that if I do drink again I want to be in charge of it not the other way around.