I’ve been a little quiet for the last few weeks, mainly because my parents have been here in Australia visiting so its been busy but also because I am battling with myself about if my future and if it has me drinking alcohol or not.
When I started this journey it was for 3 months. Then I got so involved in it and loved all the things that I was getting from it that I thought I can do this much longer. Then I committed to dry Jan. For the last couple of weeks I’ve been feeling guilty for wanting to drink again. I haven’t and I wont drink in January. I’m thinking more long term, like will I drink again ever?
I was chatting to my new friend and fellow blogger Claire (hi Claire) over email about it. That I feel guilty for even thinking about drinking again. All the other bloggers I follow all seem to be committing to a life alcohol free, I’m not sure if that’s what I wanted. Did I? Do I? I did at one point, am I changing my mind?
Then strangely a podcast recommendation came up about people who stop drinking for a length of time, say 90 days and then reintroduce themselves to drinking with the intention of having a healthier relationship with it. Well this is bloody fate, I listened. I think this is what I wanted all along, a much healthier relationship with alcohol.
Questions its made me think about.
Why did I start drinking in the first place?
To fit in, because it was the normal thing to do. To get hammered on the park when I was 14 because everyone else was. To down some white lightning them vomit everywhere LOL. Social acceptance.
Why do I drink now?
I don’t care if I fit in anymore, I really don’t and having this break has made me realise that. I have also realised that I don’t want to get drunk anymore. That wasted feeling is horrible and it comes with the hangover, I don’t want that. I don’t need to drink, I love that I know that now. However I do feel the need to drink when I am in an uncomfortable social situation.
What do I like about drinking?
I actually love the taste of wine. A cold crisp glass of wine with nice meal or a cold beer around the pool on a hot day.
In the podcasts it talks about putting boundaries in place if you decide to drink again and finding your sweet spot. Looking at the answers above I know what my boundaries need to be.
No emotional drinking – so not turning to wine after a crap day
Do not plan to drink at free drink events
To begin with only drink when its planned
Do not keep wine in the house unless it for planned entertaining
Absolutely no drinking bubbles – nothing good will come from this
Stick to sweet spot drinking
My sweet spot
If I think about drinking wine I think I am happiest of no more that half a bottle which is 375 mls of wine, that is just over 2 glasses of wine and no more than once per week. This would mean I still get that little happy buzz, I get to enjoy the wine but would still avoid hangover. Am I just convincing myself that is OK?
Another behavior change I need to make is saying that I have an addictive personality! Why do we convince ourselves of this? I’m going to start saying I can change the way I feel or act with alcohol.
There was a great analogy in the podcast. It was that you plan the climb up Everest but you don’t plan the decent and the decent can be even harder. I love that and its true. So many people will do dry Jan then on the 1st of Feb get totally wasted in celebration that they didn’t drink for a month. If you think about it it makes no sense!
I’m still thinking about this but the more I do the more I wonder if I can move into that slow lane. I would love to be one of those people at the dinner table when the waiter goes to fill your glass up but you so O no thank you I’ve had enough, ha ha! Only time will tell and I if I do decide to drink again I’m sure it will be another learning curve. What I do know is that if I do drink again I want to be in charge of it not the other way around.
Emma xx
Whole Health Personal Training and Nutrition 
I contemplate this a lot too. The dream is to moderate. But I keep reminding myself that I have tried moderation for several periods of time, and it just didn’t make me happy. Even though I was never a classic alcoholic, whatever that is, and no one ever told me I should stop drinking, I still couldn’t moderate to my own satisfaction. What’s that old saying? If I controlled it I didn’t enjoy myself, and if I enjoyed myself I didn’t control it. My sweet spot was 2 glasses. But sadly, 2 always led to 3. Anyway, I only take it one day at a time, now. We’ll see how it goes.
Great post xoxo
LikeLiked by 1 person
I am the same. It’s the ‘controlling’ it that causes the issue. It begins to take over and dictate my daily activities. 2 glasses was perfect 👌🏻 but I never ever stuck to two. X
LikeLiked by 1 person
I know, that’s my fear too, what if I cant but I think what if I could be one of those people that can? Yes to one day at a time xx
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’ve read your post twice and understand the feeling but I feel if I drank I would keep on drinking that’s one of the reasons I stopped. I was scared of it becoming a habit and affecting my life. So for me it was the right decision. But if you think you can stop after two glasses there isn’t a problem. ( getting drunk at 14 shock horror)
Love mum xx
LikeLiked by 1 person
OMG I get it from you!! And dad actually, O jeez I’m screwed! Its been so long for you that you can have adrink or two now easily xx
LikeLiked by 1 person
I think about this too. At least for now, I’m going to keep going because I have a strong feeling that I wouldn’t be able to keep it to 2 without an effort that wouldn’t be easy for me. But you have to do what you think is right. If it doesn’t work, you now know how much you like bring sober! ❤️🤗
LikeLiked by 1 person
Exactly, I think if I fail at moderation I can start again, I know I can do it and I enjoy it. I will 100% blog about it if I do it. I hope you are doing well x
LikeLiked by 2 people
Hey Emma (hi to you too!)
It’s a tricky thing to contemplate that’s for sure. As the others have said, it’s a personal choice I think. I know I have moments now where I want a drink but the majority of the time I don’t worry about it, try to fit it into my day or battle with myself over if I shouldn’t/did drink. That ‘battle’ would happen on a daily basis for me I think, even with moderation. I don’t want that anymore.
Saying that, people’s behaviour with alcohol can change. I’ve seen it with my mum and others .. they drank far more years ago but now have little interest in it. It can be done. Just be wary of the addictive nature and sliding from that slow lane into the middle lane …. we know where that ends up 😉
Claire xx
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hi Claire
I’ve been doing a lot of listening about behavior change, I am going to do some more research. Hoping the research puts me off doing it LOL! X
LikeLiked by 1 person
You have to do what feels right fit you. We’ll all be here to support you no matter what. Xx
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ha, Emma. Moderation, the question most of us ask ourselves. Guess what, you’re the only one who can provide the answer. A friend of mine did go from obsessive drinker to moderate after a year sober, but many others cannot make the transition. Three years ago I did a different blog all about moderation. It worked up to a point- I cut down overall but I still binge drank. I never say never but I know , despite the occasional sense of deprivation, that for me abstinence is actually easier and brings more peace of mind than moderation but who knows what it would be like for you?
Jim x
LikeLiked by 2 people
Exactly, I think I need to try it to see if I can. I’ve totally decided yet 🤷♀️
LikeLike
I forget how long you’ve stopped for (so many blogs, I forget who’s who) but my suggestion is give being sober at least 4-6 months and then gauge how you feel, the benefits stacked against the negatives etc, you might be surprised. Jim x
LikeLike