Its been over 6 months I think since I wrote a post about myself and not about Nutrition. Two things prompted this post. 1. It’s been a year since I started my blog, for those who don’t know I actually started this blog to talk about my journey quitting alcohol. 2. I wasn’t feeling any inspiration about a nutrition topic to cover.
So I am hear today to talk about my journey back to alcohol after 6 months off. We talk about quitting all the time but never really talk about what happens after we decide to drink again. I never did and I think it was because I felt a little shame that I decided to drink again. Just a quick recap – my plan was to stop drinking for 3 months, even though I found it difficult for various reasons I also enjoyed the benefits so much that I ended up doing 6 months. I then made a decision to start drinking again but in moderation.
Funnily enough starting drinking again also tied in to COVID kicking in here in Australia. I had 2 rules. I wasn’t allowed to drink bubbles and I am not drinking in the house. The first drink I had after 6 months was a bottle of bubbles shared with a friend in my house LOL. I broke my own rules straight away. That first drink felt nice as I got that relaxed giggly feeling you get when you only have a couple. I thought to myself, yes, I can do this moderation thing.
I’m not going to tell you about every drinking session I have had so I will fast forward and put it into a nutshell. Drinking in moderation is hard, its probably harder than completely quitting but it is getting easier. Its hard because I get the fear when I know that I am drinking that I cant control myself with how much I drink, I get the fear about how guilty I will feel, I worry I wont get up early and be productive and that will also make me feel guilty, I get hangover fear. So basically I am ruining the whole experience before I even do it, so I say to myself then why am I even drinking?
I also set myself a rule that I will drink no more than 1 bottle of wine a week. Have I stuck to that? Mostly but I have had a few slip ups.
In the whole 6 months that I have been drinking again I have got really drunk once. Very recently at a hen party, I felt so gross on the way home I regretted how much I drank, I drank bubbles and didn’t stick to any of my rules. I know most people who read this will think Oh chill out, live your life blah blah blah. I also have these debates with myself, I know I give myself a hard time but that’s the way I am. Getting drunk brings me zero joy now and I try and avoid situations where this might be involved.
What I am loving is a couple of glasses with a meal, or sat on my balcony watching the sun go down with my husband. I seem to able to moderate in my own environment and I no longer crave more alcohol like I did before.
Stopping drinking absolutely changed my whole relationship with myself and now with alcohol. It made me realise that I am happier and more productive without it, I love sleep, my mind is clearer, my body just feels strong and healthy and I no longer give a shit if people think i’m boring if I don’t drink.
I do think I will eventually just stop drinking and it will feel natural and not such an effort. I haven’t drank for 3 weeks right now just because I haven’t, no effort has gone into it and that just proves to me that my weekends and evening no longer revolve around wine. I never get stressed anymore and crave wine to make me feel better so its not emotional involved in my life anymore, that’s the one that I am most proud of.
So, is it nice to be drinking again? It’s hard to keep control. Am I happier now I’m drinking again? No. So why am I drinking again, why not just stop? I think this is part of my journey and we all have a different one, I hope mine does lead to me being a slow lane drinker or a non drinker.