Its been over 6 months I think since I wrote a post about myself and not about Nutrition. Two things prompted this post. 1. It’s been a year since I started my blog, for those who don’t know I actually started this blog to talk about my journey quitting alcohol. 2. I wasn’t feeling any inspiration about a nutrition topic to cover.
So I am hear today to talk about my journey back to alcohol after 6 months off. We talk about quitting all the time but never really talk about what happens after we decide to drink again. I never did and I think it was because I felt a little shame that I decided to drink again. Just a quick recap – my plan was to stop drinking for 3 months, even though I found it difficult for various reasons I also enjoyed the benefits so much that I ended up doing 6 months. I then made a decision to start drinking again but in moderation.
Funnily enough starting drinking again also tied in to COVID kicking in here in Australia. I had 2 rules. I wasn’t allowed to drink bubbles and I am not drinking in the house. The first drink I had after 6 months was a bottle of bubbles shared with a friend in my house LOL. I broke my own rules straight away. That first drink felt nice as I got that relaxed giggly feeling you get when you only have a couple. I thought to myself, yes, I can do this moderation thing.
I’m not going to tell you about every drinking session I have had so I will fast forward and put it into a nutshell. Drinking in moderation is hard, its probably harder than completely quitting but it is getting easier. Its hard because I get the fear when I know that I am drinking that I cant control myself with how much I drink, I get the fear about how guilty I will feel, I worry I wont get up early and be productive and that will also make me feel guilty, I get hangover fear. So basically I am ruining the whole experience before I even do it, so I say to myself then why am I even drinking?
I also set myself a rule that I will drink no more than 1 bottle of wine a week. Have I stuck to that? Mostly but I have had a few slip ups.
In the whole 6 months that I have been drinking again I have got really drunk once. Very recently at a hen party, I felt so gross on the way home I regretted how much I drank, I drank bubbles and didn’t stick to any of my rules. I know most people who read this will think Oh chill out, live your life blah blah blah. I also have these debates with myself, I know I give myself a hard time but that’s the way I am. Getting drunk brings me zero joy now and I try and avoid situations where this might be involved.
What I am loving is a couple of glasses with a meal, or sat on my balcony watching the sun go down with my husband. I seem to able to moderate in my own environment and I no longer crave more alcohol like I did before.
Stopping drinking absolutely changed my whole relationship with myself and now with alcohol. It made me realise that I am happier and more productive without it, I love sleep, my mind is clearer, my body just feels strong and healthy and I no longer give a shit if people think i’m boring if I don’t drink.
I do think I will eventually just stop drinking and it will feel natural and not such an effort. I haven’t drank for 3 weeks right now just because I haven’t, no effort has gone into it and that just proves to me that my weekends and evening no longer revolve around wine. I never get stressed anymore and crave wine to make me feel better so its not emotional involved in my life anymore, that’s the one that I am most proud of.
So, is it nice to be drinking again? It’s hard to keep control. Am I happier now I’m drinking again? No. So why am I drinking again, why not just stop? I think this is part of my journey and we all have a different one, I hope mine does lead to me being a slow lane drinker or a non drinker.
8 thoughts on “Real Life Update!”
I clearly remember your post about drinking lanes … it’s stuck with me through the past 9 plus months. I think you have definitely moved into the slow lane and that is brilliant. I still don’t trust that I would not move quickly into the fast lane which is what stops me from trying it again. I have thought a lot about it recently though. Maybe in a few years I will have lost the same attachment I had with it. It was a crutch and until my mental health is more stable I think the risk is it would be a crutch again. Lovely to read about where you are at. Sounds like it’s a good place. Xxx
HI Claire, yes I think that was one of my best posts LOL. Lets hope I can stay in it, its hard and like I said a constant battle. I just wanted to say whilst I have got you that I still read all your posts but my phone wont let me comment on other posts and I cant figure its out, it did let me once recently but not since! xx
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I’m sure you’ll do it, or work out a way that suits you. That’s no problem. Phones are the most frustrating things. Xx
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You are brave and that counts for sooo much!
That’s lovely, thank you xx
I always say, everyone has to make their own decisions about drinking or not.
Each of our lives and stories are different.
Thank you for updating us!
So true Wendy we are all so different x
Yes, good to hear about the complex side of the relationship with booze. Good luck, moderation is tough! Jim
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